The Boys & Me

I bought my first pair of jeans at the Buckle today. Actually, I bought my first anything at the Buckle today. I'm a thirty-something, thick gal who has birthed three babies and recently began using something smelly with the word serum in the title to firm up some saggy skin on my face. This after I hear you are supposed to begin using the "serums" when you are twenty-something to prevent the thirty-something sag. Seriously? I'm already a decade behind.

I felt silly wandering the racks at the Buckle trying not to make eye contact with the teens working the store. Instead I studied their backsides to decide which jeans dare I sneak in the dressing room to try on to make my bottom look a little less like a desk-job booty. The tops just weren't going to happen so my focus was on jeans. Jeans is what lured me into the Buckle after my sister Jeannie made the suggestion through Randy to me so I needed to stay focused on what my mission was.

The kids are on their post-birthday party high which makes shopping challenging to say the least. Randy is trying to encourage me and corral the kids. I take a deep breath and grab the Liv, Stella, Kate, Madison and Culture jeans to try on. Stella, not so bad but the rhinestones on the pockets make me nervous. Liv and Kate are clearly made for girls named Liv and Kate. As I twist around in the dressing room to critique my "big boned" body while swirling my rear end toward Randy explaining if my thighs were not so big they... (cue the swirl back to face Randy) I nearly bump into the only male pup working who is now seriously close to being in the dressing room with me asks if I have the Culture jeans because those would probably work great for me. Damn, I had to admit to him that yes the Culture jeans were my favorite. I'm sure they get their name from all the women who have lived and birthed and have lots of wisdom - not Liv Tyler or Kate Holmes. I mean, my goodness, if I stand up too straight my c-section scar comes very close to making an appearance and if I bend forward to tell my children something I can ever so faintly hear the plumber jokes. I buy the Culture jeans as I scroll through my head the types of jeans in my closet that have given a valiant effort at being cool.

I am in need of a good clothing store. It's hit or miss for me most of the time and with fall here I don't have the proper wardrobe yet. I see lots of plaid. I see lots of ruffles. I see lots of heavy sweaters. I see lots of layers. I see lots of scarves that I just don't get. Am I to wear the scarf indoors as an accessory? I see a really cool hat that would totally make me look like I was trying to hard. I see lots of junior high flashbacks.

What is a thirty-something, would look fabulous 10 lbs lighter girl to do in this fashion season?